I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
