I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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