He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
