my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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