: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
