i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
