If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
