Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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