WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
