Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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