LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hippo gnu deer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is it fun? or sober?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
