I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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