My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
