I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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