all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
