I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
