then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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