if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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