Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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