He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
