There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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