I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
