I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
