That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
too bad you live with your parents still
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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