I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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