Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
