You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
