I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
