you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
