official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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