meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
