If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
3pm strippers are depressing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
