I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
