All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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