I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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