I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
