I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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