glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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