I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
