I love black thongs
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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