Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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