Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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