so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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