But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
