I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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