Having a random hookup so left but love u
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
