I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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