hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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