Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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