4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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