i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
