I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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