This is not my ceiling
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
