theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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