hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
