in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
