Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
