You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
