I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
