I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
